Carol the Coach: Know Your Boundaries

 

 

It is human nature to want to change other people.  Clients frequently come in seeking advice about how to get another person to change.  They either complain that their loved one’s behavior has changed for the worse or that they had hoped their behavior WOULD change and it has not.  The naïve part of them believed that they could get them to change.  If you are faced with this dilemma you have two choices—either you need to accept them exactly as they are, or YOU do the changing yourself. 

Reinhold Niebuhr says it best in The Serenity Prayer:

            God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. 

This saying is a guideline for improving the quality of your relationships with others.  Stated simply, we can’t change others, we can only change ourselves.  The easiest way to do that is to work on our own personal sense of boundaries. 

Boundaries are important.  They help you define who you are by setting limits. They help you to determine what behaviors are acceptable or unacceptable.  You may not be able to control the behavior, but you can control how you handle a situation.  It empowers you to teach others what you will tolerate or accept in their behavior.  Invariably, when I help people to establish better boundaries they are less affected by others.  They handle situations better and feel a greater sense of control.

 

People come into the office with common problems that require a shift in their boundaries:

  • A woman’s boyfriend is dependent on her.  She supports him financially and pays for their apartment, their utilities, and all of their meals.  She can’t make him get a better job or get him to offer to pay for dinner, but she can tell him that she is no longer going to be his bank and from now on he will be expected to contribute a weekly sum to their apartment and utilities or he will have to leave. 
  • A parent describes a teen that is disrespectful, sneaks out of the house and takes money from his parents.  This parent can set consequences; call the authorities, walk away, stop providing privileges.  
  • The boss expects you to work 80 hours per week to compensate for the shortage of staff or the increased workload.  The employee can discuss with the boss the need for more manpower or request that work be delegated to others.  If the requests are ignored, the employee can either begin to go home at the appropriate times and create his own boundaries or look for a new job. 

 

As you can see, the consequences don’t mean that you get the outcome that you want; it just means that you have set guidelines for yourself to be respected. 

 

When people get good at setting healthy boundaries they begin to see that others respond to them with a new sense of respect.  Inevitably, when you change your behavior it does change the situation.  Healthy boundaries keep you from doing too much or from being mistreated.

 

What boundaries need adjusting in your life?   Do you have a particular situation that causes you great discomfort?  Make a list of healthy versus unhealthy behaviors that you need to work on. And then decide how you can change your behavior.  The quality of your life depends on it!

 

 

Buying Basics! by Elaina Musleh

Buying Basics!

Ever found yourself wondering where to start in the buying or selling process?  Wonder no more.  Buying and selling a home is a fairly simple process provided you have a good REALTOR.  Here are my top needs to know for both buying and selling.

Buying:

The buying process starts by connecting agent and buyer.  Once the relationship is made, criteria must be addressed, and financing lined up.  There are many qualified lenders who can help you get a loan.  Once you know how much you can and want to invest, the next step is to find a property that fits your needs.  This is the most important, yet exciting part of the process.  It is critical that you address all of the provided property information before placing an offer.  One key thing to remember when writing an offer is that everything is negotiable.  With a negotiated agreement in hand, it is time to complete the evaluation of the property you want to purchase.  This can include an inspection, appraisal, and title work.  It is your agents job to help you through this step of the process and guide you to closing day, just around the corner.

 

Selling:

When selling your home the first step is making the connection the agent and the seller.  Once initial contact is made, it is your realtors job to explain the process from beginning to end.  During conversation the seller should be provided not only with information regarding the realtor, but comparable information about pricing.  If the seller is comfortable moving forward, paperwork is signed, measurements are taken, pictures are shot, and the home is prepared for market.  Once on the market, showings will start and the wait begins.  If an offer is received, it is to be reviewed and discussed.  This conversation is key to your response.  Just like buying you can accept, counter or reject the offer.  When an agreement is made, the countdown to closing will begin. 

If you or someone you know is looking to buy or seller a home, please contact me, Elaina Musleh, I would love to earn your respect and business as I have done with countless others before.