How to Cope with Infidelity: Carol the Coach

I typically write about how to set up goals and how to manifest the time in your life to implement them but what I know to be true is that often things have happened to you that occupy much of your time. We all know that women are relationship oriented and spend much of their time nurturing their spouses and their families. 
Unfortunately, things may have occurred in your life that you didn’t see coming, and as a result, your relationship has suffered. Your spouse may have chosen to pursue another person and suddenly, your happy family is turned upside down. Upon discovering this, it can put you into a state of immobilization. When people experience loss, they typically go through the grieving stages of shock and disbelieve, anger or sadness, depression, and then acceptance. When you found out that your spouse had cheated on you, it became an immediate loss in your life. You not only lost your concept of what your relationship was, but you lost the security of believing in a “forever” relationship. This is very stressful and affects almost every other area of your life. The brain gets hijacked and you go into automatic mode tending to all your family’s daily activities while you try to sort out what your feelings are and how you're going to proceed in your life. Now the good news is that most relationships can survive infidelity but it takes a specialist to get you through the rocky times. There's is lots of grieving that needs to be done which includes venting your feelings, understanding your partners indiscretion, and working on restoration of your relationship. 
The first thing that needs to occur is that you need to seek safety and stabilization so that you can grieve the relationship. Who are some safe people in your life that won’t judge you or your husband as you work through this process? Is there a safe place in your home that you can go to feel your feelings? Do you have a support network or therapist or religious community to help you get through this?
You will need safety to be able to grieve what you had and what you thought you had which are two very different losses. You must mourn the loss of security in your life. As with any trauma, you get to decide how to work through it and how it is going to affect you. You can't help the feelings that naturally occur but you can decide what to do with them and how to process them so that you grow from them.
Lastly, you can then look for ways to rebuild either the coupleship or yourself to restore and rebuild your life so that you can move on, grow from experience, and find security in other ways.
 
Take a few moments to decide what you might need to do to feel safe and to stabilize your life circumstance. Think about what you need to grieve most.
Write down the many losses that you have experienced and think back to other times that you may have felt equally as traumatized. This information will be helpful when you work with the therapist either as a couple or by yourself. 
Lastly, ask yourself, “how do I want to grow from this and what do I need to learn most.”
I promise you … if you do the work you will be a stronger person and and that is what life is all about. This does not need to take you down!

Stress, The Silent Killer

When we are experiencing mental or emotional tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances, we are stressed.

According to The American Institute of Stress, In 1936, Hans Selye coined the term "stress" that we use today. He conducted numerous experiments on laboratory animals that concluded and demonstrated "persistent stress could cause these animals to develop various diseases similarto those seen in humans, such as stroke, rheumatoid arthritis, stomach ulcers, enlarged adrenals, and kidney disease."

What Does Stress Feel Like?

The physical effects of stress may often feel like prolonged headaches, neck pain, muscle fatigue, or joint stiffness.

Can Stress Cause Chronic Pain?

Yes.

 Somatic Psychologist, Susanne Babbel Ph.D., M. F. T. In her blog: 

The Connections Between Emotional Stress, Trauma and Physical Pain, 

says, "Chronic pain is defined as prolonged physical pain that lasts longer than the natural healing process allows. During a traumatic event the body goes into survival mode. If the body remains in survival mode, stress hormones (Cortisol) are constantly released. This constant release of stress hormone can reduce the body's immune system ability to heal and begin the manifestation of physical symptoms due to constant distress on the body."

How Can I Stop Chronic Pain from Stress Before It Starts?

Receiving frequent therapeutic massage sessions allows each client to develop a strong, client centered relationship with our staff. We are able to customize each experience and provide the quality of care that is unique to each client. Frequent therapeutic massage sessions can also help condition the body to relax (reduce prolonged Cortisol), which may help to keep pain (physical symptoms) reduced.

Client Review:

"This was a great experience! This was my first time getting a massage and my massage professional was very knowledgeable and helped me with some muscle soreness." Sean H, January 2017

What Services Are Offered?

Our stress & pain management services are noninvasive and nonsurgical with no medication side effects or dependency.