Carol the Coach: Do you allow your breakups and breakdowns to create Breakthroughs?

We all handle crises different. Women have a tendency to choose how they will face difficult times. My belief is that you are far more successful if you handle a situationand look for the breakthroughs. Unfortunately when bad things happen, it can be difficult to determine how a crisis might work in your favor. However if you adopt the mindset that no matter what happens to you in life, you are going to look for the breakthrough, it will take your life to the next level.

If you've read any of my columns you know that I am not a believer of victimization. When you've been downsized, you're having difficulty finding a job, your child is acting out, or your spouse is walking away, these experiences can afford you an opportunity to reframe. When you reframe, it is as if you take the current picture and size it up and frame it so that you can grow stronger from it or learn from it. I know you may be saying to yourself "that's not my MO, I feel like breaking down and often times I want to lick my wounds in the process." Well it is normal to feel sad and angry feelings but once processed, I would encourage you to work on asking yourself "how can I grow from what appears to be such a devastating situation?"

What do you have to lose to make the decision that whatever happens to you in life is an opportunity to grow stronger? This requires emotional IQ or intelligence.

Emotional intelligence means you take situations and make the choice to learn how to deal with that in a way that benefits you.

How would you rate your emotional intelligence? Do you assess most of your situations with an attitude that you're not going to let this difficult situation keep you down?

If you're wondering how you can further increase your emotional intelligence, you almost always have to look for the gratitude in the devastation. Despite the fact that your situation looks like a major catastrophe; you ask yourself..."How might this be a good thing?"

Let's take some common situations and see if we can increase an emotionally intelligent response. If you have just found out that your promotion was denied, how might you look at it with a sense of gratitude? You might look at the situation and say "it is time that I look at going back to school. I've been putting this need on the back burner but now I know I am truly ready to take my life to the next level.”

Let's say that you have been recently diagnosed with cancer. After feeling the feelings and acknowledging them, this may be an opportunity for you to say, “I am going to deepen my relationships with the people that count and attend to the things that really matter.”
How can you as a parent possibly find happiness in the struggles that your child is going through? You might tell yourself, "This is an opportunity for me to deepen my faith that things will work out and that we are all taken care of."

What I promise you is that if you increase your emotional intelligence, you will be able to cope with life better, feel less like a victim, and strengthen both your sense of self and your relationships because of an empowered attitude.

Increasing emotional intelligence takes time but it is well worth the investment!c