When you create positive self-esteem you train yourself to look at what is working in your life and you learn to minimize the things that may not be working for you. You train the brain to believe in yourself and if there are things that have not been put in your life you either believe that it will show up for you at a later date or better things are going to occur to replace that singular thought that you had for your life. This takes a lot of emotional maturity because it’s easy to focus on what is not occurring as posed to what is present in your life today.
If you suffer from low self-esteem, I would like you to ask yourself the following: Is my negative thinking and pessimism contributing to my low self-esteem, or is my low self-esteem causing my negative and pessimistic attitude?
Regardless, it’s absolutely critical that someone with low self-esteem retrain their faulty thinking. Let me give you some examples of two very different types of mentalities when dealing with self-esteem.
- Women with low self-esteem believe the world is not working for them. Positive thinkers look at life’s circumstances as opportunities to grow and learn.
- Low self-esteemers look at life with a negative slant. They look at life as a struggle. Good self-esteemers look at life as a challenge and believe they can accomplish goals to get the desired results.
If you suffer from low self-esteem you will tend to see yourself as a victim. You believe that life has done you wrong. You let the devastation be the primary feeling. You use self-talk like, "This will ruin me." "This is because I'm not good enough." "I hate myself." When bad things happen to people with healthy self-esteem they immediately look for ways to combat the situation. They use phrases like, "I'll get around this." "I can do it." "This is just a stumbling block."
You see, women with low self-esteem limit their own expectations. They don't believe in themselves so they don't believe great things can happen. When you like yourself, you believe you can achieve. You know you deserve it, and you look for ways to make your life happen.
Your attitude is the number one contributor to your self-view. If you downplay your character, your abilities, and your talents, you will never fully actualize as a person. When you have good self-esteem, you recognize that you’re human, so you know your own limitations and as a result you work with them.
As you assess where you are in your own emotional maturity, ask yourself the following 5 questions that contribute to good self-esteem.
- Do I engage in life and belief that the Universe is providing me everything I need to become stronger?
- Do I focus on what is working in my life and feel empowered by it?
- Do I believe that I can affect my own life and that I can design my life to support my endeavor?
- Do I see myself as strong and focus on positive self-talk to get me through the day?
- Do I surround myself with supportive people who remind me of my strengths?
When you follow these guidelines, you are more likely to have gratitude for what is going right and you will enjoy life more. You will see yourself as actively engaged in life and you will be more empowered to know your strength!
Carol Juergensen Sheets LCSW PCC is a psychotherapist and personal life coach. She does motivational speaking and empowerment trainings locally and nationally. To find out more about her services–contact her at www.carolthecoach.com or call her at 317 218-3479. You can watch Carol the Coach segments on WTHR’s Channel 13 Wednesdays @ 12:50PM.