So many of my clients come in and want to change their situation and are frustrated because they can't get the other person to change. My job is to remind them that when we change our behavior and thinking it affects the perspective of what we are looking at. This means we own a lot of power to feel differently about our life and the people that are in it!
Whenever it seems like you are engaged in a situation that has little opportunity to change it, I would challenge you to know that the greatest gift that you can give the situation is to give it your positive energy. I always tell my clients that they have a vibrational energy that can alter a situation although not necessarily in the way that they would like to see the outcome.
Let's say that you are in a nasty marriage and you see no end in sight. If you can create a mental attitude that says "I won't give him the power to make me feel bad about myself" it will help you to stay centered and focused. You will be able to see your options a bit more clearly which will affect the outcome even if it doesn't create the loving relationship that you deserve. When that person is nasty, it will be like you are sprayed with Teflon and his barbs won't get to you in the same way.
I have a client who has a son who is using drugs and alcohol. Although he was in recovery, he has slipped back into active use. She is paralyzed with fear because he almost died the last time he went on a binge and she has a sister who died from a drug overdose so she knows firsthand how deadly drug addiction can be. I am very sensitive to her plight but I encouraged this spiritual woman to change her thinking and connect with her "God energy." We both know that she can not necessarily change his choices but I asked her "How would you feel if you believed that he needs to go down this course to get to where he needs to be next?" She said, "I am afraid he will die." I said, "What if that is what needs to happen to end his misery?" I reminded her that if she connected to that belief or faith that things were going to be okay, she would have a different energy about her that would make her feel better and would convey more positivity to her son. She had the power to give that energy to him. And ultimately her suffering does not do anything positive for her! It just keeps her in a state of worry and anxiety which chips away at her quality of life. It has taken her a lot of practice to remove the negative thoughts but she has been taught the Serenity Prayer and she visualizes giving her worries up to God. Every time she has a negative thought she is to ask herself the question that Byron Katie coined which is "Who would I be without this thought?" Of course the answer is "I would be happier and less anxious and more focused and more productive." This sentence helps her to regain her power and if she changes her thoughts, she really can change her life!
What situation is occurring in your life that you need to change?
About the author:
Carol Juergensen Sheets LCSW PCC is a psychotherapist and personal life coach. She does motivational speaking and empowerment trainings locally and nationally. To find out more about her services - contact her at www.carolthecoach.com or call her at 317-218-3479. You can watch Carol the Coach segments on WTHR's Channel 13 Wednesdays @ 12:50 p.m.