Have you ever wondered why so many bad things seem to be happening to you? It may seem like catastrophes are always getting in your way. The truth of the matter is that there are frequently life experiences that are tough and difficult and cause us to struggle. It's important to feel your feelings fully and then to ask yourself how you might benefit from them?
If you are somebody who's dealing with a loss like a medical condition, a divorce, or some sort of family or work strife, you likely are focused on how it is affecting you.
It is always important to feel your feelings to completion. That requires that you really reflect on the many feelings that you may be having. If you have a tendency to be overwhelmed, pick the strongest one to focus on.
If you're feeling fear because your husband has cancer… you should express that fear in a variety of ways. Find some supportive people to share your feeling. Journal those feelings so that you can get clear about what that means for you. Attend a support group where other people can help to guide and mentor you. Ask yourself what can you do to turn the fear around?
Let's face it … that is the hard part. Many of my clients turn their fear around by finding faith and believing that good things will happen out of the catastrophe. Maybe you spend extra time with that person and really increase that intimacy since you're both going through the condition together.
Perhaps you're getting a divorce and you are sad and angry. It can feel natural to want to isolate, and go into great despair. However while feeling your feelings fully, share them with a supportive person. I instruct many of my clients to join a divorce group or read some books on divorce so that it will normalize the feelings they are having. Going through a divorce can increase your anxiety. You may want to turn the anxiety around by "physicalizing" your feelings. Go for extra walks, join a hiking club, look into the many gyms that are available in your neighborhood. Use this time as an opportunity for extra self-care and for self-improvement. That way you can remember this horrible time of your life as an opportunity for lots of self growth and self care.
The important thing is to ask yourself, “how can I go stronger from this tragedy?” I recently worked with a woman who was downsized. She came to see me because she felt like a failure. She was stuck in the mental loop whereby she believed that she was not good enough. I always encourage my clients to ask if there is something they may have done that contributed to the situation? That is how they learn from it. But mentally looping and having negative thoughts about oneself is destructive and it does not contribute towards growth and change. It can easily keep you stuck. If you are someone who tends to beat yourself up, it is time to stop. When you become "sick and tired of being sick and tired" of the feelings and the thoughts that accompany loss, you can take that as a cue to "choose" to have different thoughts
“Being sick and tired of being sick and tired” is a wonderful way to know it's time to take charge of your life and create the life you deserve!
Carol Juergensen Sheets, LCSW PCC is a psychotherapist and personal life coach. SHe does motivational speaking and empowerment trainings locally and nationally. To find out more about her services, contact her at www.carolthecoach.com or call her at 317-218-3479. You can watch Carol the Coach segments on WTHR's Channel 13 Wednesdays at 12:50PM.