Carol the Coach - Take 100% Responsibility

There are three coaching principles that teach empowerment. The first principle is that you are 100% responsible for your behavior. This gives you the power to achieve anything!

The second principle comes from an Eleanor Roosevelt quote, “Don't allow anyone to make you feel inferior without your consent.” I turned this around slightly and made it a “Carol the Coachism” which is “Don't give anyone the power to make you feel ______.”  You get to choose how others affect you!

Reframing is the third coaching principal which has you look at negative circumstances and decide how it has made you stronger.  You have to look at the difficult situation from the perspective that there is always some good that comes out of the painful.

Most humans have had experiences that have deeply troubled and pained them. Has this happened to you? Do you believe that you could apply these principles to your issues or situations in your past that has caused you great pain?

Were you able to honor that pain? Did you write about it? Did you find a supportive person to talk to and help you to process the pain?  Did you allow that pain to move you forward in your life? It is so important to acknowledge your feelings and honor them so that you can move forward from them. When people don't move forward they feel resentment and resentment is toxic and it keeps you stuck emotionally. If you can't get passed what someone has done to you, then you give them too much power. It is our responsibility to learn from it, grow from it, and turn it into something that is positive.

So my question to you would be how have you used your pain to grow stronger?  Often people come into therapy to talk about their feelings and to shed the scars that have occurred. However, if you think about a scar, it is really the body creating a tougher skin to protect the original wound.  An emotional scar has been created to keep that vulnerable place from being hurt again. Reframing has you look at pain as a teacher.

Your homework:

Think about a significant pain in your life. Write out how somebody hurt you and created angst in your life.

Acknowledge the feelings.

In other words, how did you honor the pain, anger, sadness, or disappointment you felt in your life?

How did you grow from the pain?  How did it make you stronger?  What did you learn from it?

List all the ways that you have been able to self-actualize because of the original pain.

Now do something with your new found empowerment! Challenge yourself to identify what you have done to make the world a better place because of it. Perhaps you now are Stephen's Minister at church or you are the neighborhood mom whom all the kids come to because you're so easy to talk to. Maybe it has driven you to become a CEO of a company because you became a leader and promoted compassionate leadership.

You own your destiny!

If you assess your life and believe that you have not used it to its fullest capacity than I challenge you to look at ways to use your pain to better the future.

When you do this … you right the wrongs of your past and make the world a better place! Your past has taught you great strength. Now it is up to you to use it to the best of your ability!

Carol Juergensen Sheets, LCSW PCC is a psychotherapist and personal life coach. SHe does motivational speaking and empowerment trainings locally and nationally. To find out more about her services, contact her at or call her at 317-218-3479. You can watch Carol the Coach segments on WTHR's Channel 13 Wednesdays at 12:50PM.