Carol the Coach: The Success of Dating

The Success of Dating


Why is it that some of the toughest areas in life are experienced in the form of trial-and-error?   Dating is one of those areas in which there is little formal training.  When I work with singles that are going through the process of dating, I believe that reading books, going to workshops and classes, and talking to others are ways to obtain dating life skills. 

Most people come in with a fear of dating.  They make comments like, “I don’t even want to think about dating” or “I hate dating” or “The thought of dating is so scary”.  Many times they are afraid that they won’t be good enough or they fear rejection.  If you have good self-esteem and don’t fall into this category, the opposite might be true.  This would be, “I don’t want to go through the process of meeting men or women who aren’t like me or aren’t who they claim to be”.  If you see yourself in either of these scenarios, look at dating as an opportunity to gain more life experience. Stay positive in order to get the most out of it. 


The most important skill to remember is to go slow.  Dating requires getting to know each other, and the slower you go, the more successful you will be.  If you have great chemistry, you might be tempted to see each other too much, talk to each other daily, or share activities that are too personal too soon (e.g. having sex).  If you take your time you will make fewer mistakes. Just remember, a new date is not necessarily your best friend.  Don’t get too emotionally intimate. It’s important to pace yourself!


 Although dating is a mechanism for finding a life partner, you will have more success if you focus on staying in the present.  Your mission should be to have fun, not to find a life partner.  If and when the relationship moves into exclusivity, you will have a good foundation for that relationship. 


  Know your boundaries. How much do you want to contribute to the relationship?  I know women who say they want to be pampered, and then by the second date they are cooking dinner and doing lots of maternal tasks.  Stop that! If you do that in the beginning of the relationship, you are bound to that lifestyle forever. 


 Believe it or not, dating is a numbers game. So find like minded people and spend time doing things that you enjoy doing. When you have fun, you are much more likely to send out positive messages that you would be a fun companion. If you like to hike, join a hiking club. If you love activities, sign up for MeetUp .com and meet men and women who want to play euchre or go to Indians Games or hang out at The Chatterbox. .You won’t meet anyone sitting on your couch so put yourself out there and and have fun!


 Men will notice you if you are noticing them so don’t play shy…. smile and let him know that he has caught your eye. 

I guarantee if you follow these five steps you will have a winning formula for having healthier relationships and more enjoyable dates!

Remember have fun with it and enjoy the adventure!