Carol the Coach: Compassion vs Resentment

Healthy relationships start with compassion. If you really want to improve your sense of self and work with others it will begin by being gentle with yourself and those with whom you interact.

We live in a society where many people clarify and justify their positions by putting others down. This technique may help people to feel superior but in actuality it divides people from working together and finding a common good. When one person decides they can no longer live with another, they may spend endless hours putting down the other person as opposed to talking about why a break up may actually be the best choice for all involved. If you are unhappy in your job it can be normal human behavior to want to find fault with your boss, the administration, or the corporate culture. Yet you will have more integrity if you decide to leave from a place of wanting to expand your abilities, and your life circumstance. 

When I work with clients, I see the understandable negativity that can occur from being wronged.  I ask them to identify how this type of situation can actually strengthen them. I want my clients to move out of the victim role and move into a position of strength, confidence, and self actualization. When you make a decision that comes from a place of concern, love, and compassion, you're much more likely to mainly integrity that you need to be a better coworker, a better partner, or a better neighbor. 

It is much easier to put others down and to look for validation that you've been mistreated. But that mentality works against you. Compassion promotes improved mental health and empowers you to really pay attention to your own goals and values as opposed to berating the other person. I recently worked with a woman who was able to see via social media all the poor choices her husband was making. She saw him taking expensive vacations with other women. She witnessed him buying expensive gifts for others while they were separated. It was understandable that she came into my office in a fury because she had been betrayed.  She needed to process her feelings of anger sadness and loss.  After she worked through her grief, I encouraged her to move on with her life and decide what was most important. She decided that she wanted to heal, focus on her children, and stabilize her life so that she no longer had to be hyper vigilant about what her husband could do to her to hurt her. This meant that she had to re-focus on herself so that she no longer viewed herself as a punching bag for her husband. In doing this, she decided to spend more time volunteering at a nonprofit and focused on how she could make a difference in other people's lives. She was able to turn her pain into gain and move away from the victimization that she felt months before.

Homework assignment

  • Think about one person who has hurt you. 
  • Identify how you can use that tragedy to make you stronger. 
  • What do you need to do to increase your own self care?
  • Notice the difference in how you feel when you think about how some one has 



 Carol Juergensen Sheets, LCSW PCC is a psychotherapist and personal life coach. SHe does motivational speaking and empowerment trainings locally and nationally. To find out more about her services, contact her at or call her at 317-218-3479. You can watch Carol the Coach segments on WTHR's Channel 13 Wednesdays at 12:50PM.