How to Cope with Infidelity: Carol the Coach

I typically write about how to set up goals and how to manifest the time in your life to implement them but what I know to be true is that often things have happened to you that occupy much of your time. We all know that women are relationship oriented and spend much of their time nurturing their spouses and their families. 
Unfortunately, things may have occurred in your life that you didn’t see coming, and as a result, your relationship has suffered. Your spouse may have chosen to pursue another person and suddenly, your happy family is turned upside down. Upon discovering this, it can put you into a state of immobilization. When people experience loss, they typically go through the grieving stages of shock and disbelieve, anger or sadness, depression, and then acceptance. When you found out that your spouse had cheated on you, it became an immediate loss in your life. You not only lost your concept of what your relationship was, but you lost the security of believing in a “forever” relationship. This is very stressful and affects almost every other area of your life. The brain gets hijacked and you go into automatic mode tending to all your family’s daily activities while you try to sort out what your feelings are and how you're going to proceed in your life. Now the good news is that most relationships can survive infidelity but it takes a specialist to get you through the rocky times. There's is lots of grieving that needs to be done which includes venting your feelings, understanding your partners indiscretion, and working on restoration of your relationship. 
The first thing that needs to occur is that you need to seek safety and stabilization so that you can grieve the relationship. Who are some safe people in your life that won’t judge you or your husband as you work through this process? Is there a safe place in your home that you can go to feel your feelings? Do you have a support network or therapist or religious community to help you get through this?
You will need safety to be able to grieve what you had and what you thought you had which are two very different losses. You must mourn the loss of security in your life. As with any trauma, you get to decide how to work through it and how it is going to affect you. You can't help the feelings that naturally occur but you can decide what to do with them and how to process them so that you grow from them.
Lastly, you can then look for ways to rebuild either the coupleship or yourself to restore and rebuild your life so that you can move on, grow from experience, and find security in other ways.
 
Take a few moments to decide what you might need to do to feel safe and to stabilize your life circumstance. Think about what you need to grieve most.
Write down the many losses that you have experienced and think back to other times that you may have felt equally as traumatized. This information will be helpful when you work with the therapist either as a couple or by yourself. 
Lastly, ask yourself, “how do I want to grow from this and what do I need to learn most.”
I promise you … if you do the work you will be a stronger person and and that is what life is all about. This does not need to take you down!